I Get So Restless

You lay in bed, your full size bed, fitted nice and comfortably with a comforter that feels like a marshmallow swallowing you whole. You just got finished watching some television, the normal school night...you struggle to get eight hours of sleep before that math test in the morning. You tried to study an hour ago, but some other things came up, but you will be okay, those other tests down the road will even out the failures of tomorrow. You lay in bed and can't help but think of what someone told your friend about you today at school. How dare they have the audacity to talk smack about you without even getting to know you first. You continue on this train of thought until you wonder what ever happened to your best friend. You two used to be so close, but now he's into some things you don't agree with, and suddenly you feel like a sad parent watching their child come home with a failed grade in school. You want to help them, you've tried to make them understand... they just don't get it. There is so much your friend isn't telling you, you feel like an open book to them, but they're closed to anything you have to say. You continue to worry yourself to insomnia about new friends you have made, wondering what they think of you, are you too much for them, too loud, are you really as crazy as they are? You dwell on your life, how it's going somewhere, your purpose layed out for you, and continue to think about your life, legacy, and some good ol' fashion gossip. What will you wear tomorrow? These thoughts circle your brain into the night, and you will be lucky to get six hours of sleep before the nightmare of the test in the morning.


You accomplish insomnia while a man five minutes down the road walks the street, looking for a bed to call his own. 


You accomplish insomnia while an inner city child of eight lays his head on a pillow, his bed the floor of his one bedroom house, surrounded comfortably by his five other siblings. He could't be happier to be in the home he is now. Sure he would like money and a sports car, but that can wait, he's got his family for now.


Why am I so restless? Why can I not seem to get an once of peace in college? It seems like I am standing in the middle of Route 66 during rush hour, people passing me by at 90 miles an hour, and I gasp for air above the business of everyone else. These faceless crowds are all a blur, they push me to keep living, keep going, keep pursuing. But what am I pursuing? What are they pursuing? I am getting so restless, like back in high school, dwelling all night on interactions that latest for a blink of an eye. And then that peace hits me like a freight train:


"In your ocean I make of thee
I feel the waves crashing on my feet
It's like I know where I need to 
But I can't figure out
Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your tide rushes over me"
-Needtobreathe


There is rest, there always has been... there always will be. The rest we can all find in Jesus Christ sometimes goes unnoticed. People live in their day, immerse themselves in their friends, and take comfort in the loneliness of the night. We worry about tomorrow, what we've done, and live in our ghosts of the past. Our fear steals our sleep, and we dwell on death and what our lives are going to mean to someone else.


But what if there's more to this restlessness, what if the peace we have so long been ignoring we embrace. What if intentionally we live for something bigger than ourselves... now that would be a beautiful thing. No longer will our lives be filled with what tomorrow brings, but rather we will live each breathe thankful we have been given the chance to walk to our next class. Our minds would change so drastically, we would actually care about our friends, sacrifice for them, because us, well we don't care about ourselves anymore, we are Christ now, robbed with peace and grace. What a beautiful image, wrapped in peace and grace.


 No longer does the future need anxiety, it is taken care of. 


We would finally listen to the cries of the poor man, the foot prints of the inner city child.


We would live like a child, without the fears of our innocence, but spending time learning about Christ, like a child learns to embrace the world for the first time. Sure we're in college and mature in the world's eyes, but in Christ we are made new like a child. For the spirit of a child will inherit the kingdom. 


Let us wake up from our restlessness, wrapped in Christ for all eternity.